come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
