After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
