Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So squirting runs in the family.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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