You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
