Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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