i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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