When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Did I show you my penis last night?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
