I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
