I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
