you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
