my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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