K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
