Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
