Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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