Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
