it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
