dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
