How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
