the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm like, not good at living.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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