what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
