My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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