So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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