highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
