At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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