I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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