9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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