she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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