The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
