Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
