Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
