Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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