soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
