You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
