Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Randomize
