I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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