Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
