These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
