I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
