But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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