if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
