I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
