he shaved USA in his pubs
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
