I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
