I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
