Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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