sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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