Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
