considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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