i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
