I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
