I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
