I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
