at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
