Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
