i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
