I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i can't believe i had my finger in that
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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